They’re punny. They’re cheesy. They make you roll your eyes… and then laugh anyway. Yep, we’re talking about dad jokes — the undisputed kings of cringe comedy. Whether you’re a dad, know a dad, or just love a solid groaner, these jokes are guaranteed to make your day just a little bit dumber (in the best way possible).
We’ve collected 50 of the best dad jokes — from classic one-liners to modern zingers — so bad they loop all the way back around to being good again. These are clean, family-friendly, and perfect for awkward silences, group texts, or annoying your kids at dinner.
Classic Dad Joke One-Liners
- I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.
- I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
- I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
- I used to be addicted to soap. But I’m clean now.
- Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? He made a mint.
- I used to hate facial hair… but then it grew on me.
- I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
- What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
- I asked the dog, “What’s two minus two?” He said nothing.
Food-Themed Dad Jokes
- What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
- Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it.
- Want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind — it’s too cheesy.
- Why can’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
- I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
- Why did the orange stop? It ran out of juice.
- I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that’s just brie-ding.
- I only eat tacos on days that end in “Y.”
- What does a lemon say when it answers the phone? Yellow?
Animal Dad Jokes
- What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated.
- What’s a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple.
- Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels.
- How do cows stay up to date? They read the moos-paper.
- What did the duck say after it bought lipstick? Put it on my bill.
- Why did the elephant bring a suitcase to the zoo? Because he was on trunkation.
- I asked the lion if he wanted to play cards. He said he was more of a cheetah.
- What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
- Why did the crab never share? Because he was a little shellfish.
- My dog’s a genius — he buried my homework and invested my allowance.
Tech & Work Dad Jokes
- Why did the computer go to therapy? It had a hard drive.
- I told my boss I needed a raise. He said, “This isn’t an elevator.”
- I’m really good at my job at the orange juice factory, but I got canned — couldn’t concentrate.
- My calendar is full. I guess you could say I’ve got a lot of dates.
- I quit my job at the helium factory. I refused to be spoken to in that tone.
- Want to hear a construction joke? Never mind, I’m still working on it.
- I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
- Why don’t programmers like nature? Too many bugs.
- I told a joke at the hardware store. It screwed up my credibility.
- I was going to tell a time-traveling joke… but you didn’t like it.
Miscellaneous Dad Joke Gold
- I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
- Why don’t vampires go to barbecues? They’re afraid of stakes.
- I asked my dad for his best joke. He handed me a mirror.
- I told my plants I loved them. Now they’re rooted in emotional growth.
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine — he woke up.
- Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
- My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
- I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m OK but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
- What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
- If you see a crime at an Apple store, does that make you an iWitness?
Final Thoughts
Dad jokes aren’t meant to be edgy, cool, or even particularly clever. They’re meant to be endearingly awful, and that’s what makes them timeless. So the next time someone groans at your joke, just remember: mission accomplished, dad.
Stick around alldayjokes.com for more joke lists, puns, and eye-roll-worthy content. Because life’s too short not to laugh at the dumb stuff.