150+ Mustache Jokes to Make You Laugh (Clean, Dirty, Funny & Punny)

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Mustaches are funny. Whether it’s a classy handlebar, a fuzzy chevron, or a five o’clock shadow trying its best—there’s just something hilarious about upper-lip hair.

In this ultimate roundup of mustache jokes, you’ll find clean one-liners, dumb puns, awkward dad jokes, and everything in between. Whether you’re here for a quick laugh or prepping for Movember, this page has you covered.

Scroll down to get your whiskers wiggling with 100+ mustache jokes that are clean, cheesy, and absolutely ridiculous.

So, let’s jump right into it and let these mustache jokes tickle more than just your whiskers!

Table of Contents

Best Mustache Jokes (One-Liners & Clean Puns)

Need a quick laugh? These one-liner mustache jokes are short, sharp, and upper-lip approved.

  1. I mustache you a question, but I’ll shave it for later.
  2. Why don’t mustaches ever get lost? They always go straight under the nose.
  3. What did the mustache say to the beard? “You grow on people.”
  4. I used to hate my mustache… but it grew on me.
  5. Why are mustaches terrible detectives? They always ‘stache the evidence.
  6. Did you hear about the mustache artist? It could really draw on the face.
  7. What’s a mustache’s favorite drink? Espresso—it gives them a buzz.
  8. Why did the mustache go to school? To get “edgy”-cated.
  9. Why was the mustache always smiling? It knew it was top lip material.
  10. Why do mustaches love mirrors? They enjoy a little self-reflection.
  11. What did the mustache say to the hat? “You go on ahead, I’ll hang around here.”
  12. Why did the mustache go to the party? It heard it was a ‘stache bash.
  13. Why did the mustache break up with the beard? It was tired of playing second fiddle.
  14. Why do mustaches make great comedians? They always crack a smile.
  15. Why did the mustache get promoted? It always goes straight to the point.
  16. What do you call a mustache on a tin can? A can-stache.
  17. Why did the mustache visit the barber? It wanted a trimendous makeover.
  18. What’s a mustache’s favorite food? Lip-smacking good burgers.
  19. What did the razor say to the mustache? “We need to break up—it’s not me, it’s you.”
  20. Why are mustaches energy efficient? They always go with the grain.
  21. What do you call a gathering of mustaches? A ‘stache bash.
  22. Why do mustaches never lie? They can’t shave the truth.
  23. What did the dad’s mustache say to the son’s? “I’m growin’ on you.”
  24. Why did the mustache get detention? For brushing off authority.
  25. What’s a mustache’s favorite month? Movember, of course.

Bad Mustache Jokes (So Cringe, They’re Great)

  1. Why did the mustache get kicked off the talent show?
    It couldn’t handle the lip-syncing.
  2. I made a mustache joke yesterday.
    It bombed. Like, face-first into a razor.
  3. What do you call a confused mustache?
    Lost… in facial hair territory.
  4. Why was the mustache banned from the comedy club?
    It couldn’t deliver a punchline—only uppercuts.
  5. What did the mustache name its autobiography?
    “Between a Nose and a Hard Place.”
  6. Why don’t mustaches do stand-up?
    Too many close shaves with failure.
  7. What’s a mustache’s favorite movie?
    “Hairy Potter and the Chamber of Shavings.”
  8. I tried to grow a mustache once.
    Turns out it was just dirt.
  9. Why did the mustache start a podcast?
    Because no one wanted to see it in person.
  10. What happens when you shave a bad mustache?
    Peace returns to the upper lip.
  11. My mustache walked out on me.
    It said, “You never wax me anymore.”
  12. Want to hear a mustache pun?
    Too bad, they’re all follicle-y challenged.
  13. What’s a lazy mustache called?
    A “nah-stache.”
  14. Why did the mustache fail the job interview?
    It had no experience. Just vibes and fuzz.
  15. What did the mustache do during the fire drill?
    Nothing. It’s hair. Why do you keep asking?

Funny Mustache Jokes in Q&A Style

Classic setup, punchline, and a hairy twist—these two-part mustache jokes are guaranteed to get a grin.

  1. Why did the mustache get a time-out?
    Because it was acting too hairy.
  2. What did the razor say to the rebellious mustache?
    “You better shave up or ship out.”
  3. Why couldn’t the mustache become a politician?
    Every time it tried to make a point, it got trimmed down.
  4. Why did the mustache stop playing cards with the beard?
    It couldn’t handle a hairy hand.
  5. What did the mustache say to the lips?
    “We’ve gotta stick together.”
  6. Why did the mustache go to therapy?
    It had some serious trimming issues.
  7. What did the hat say to the mustache?
    “You really know how to top things off.”
  8. Why did the mustache join the circus?
    It craved a real hair-raising experience.
  9. Why don’t mustaches ever get lost?
    They always know the roots.
  10. What did the mustache yell during the food fight?
    “I mustache you not to get cream on me!”
  11. What do you call a mustache that’s seen some stuff?
    A fringe veteran.
  12. Why don’t mustaches make good detectives?
    They bristle at danger.
  13. What’s a mustache’s favorite sport?
    Brush rugby.
  14. Why did the mustache visit a psychologist?
    It couldn’t get over the lip.
  15. What did the mustache say after a long day?
    “I’m waxed off my feet.”
  16. What do you call a mustache that can play piano?
    A hair-o of music.
  17. Why do mustaches never give up?
    They always hair-dle the pressure.
  18. Why don’t mustaches get arrested?
    They always make a clean-shave getaway.
  19. What do you call a singing mustache?
    A barber shop quartet.
  20. Why do mustaches suck at boxing?
    They can’t throw punchlines.
  21. Why was the mustache bad at hide and seek?
    It always broke cover.
  22. Why did the mustache bring a map to the party?
    It didn’t want to wax lost.
  23. What do you call a mustache gone bad?
    Rough stubble.
  24. Why did the mustache avoid fights?
    It didn’t want to tache anything.
  25. What’s a mustache’s favorite pickup line?
    “Hey girl, I’ve got upper-lip real estate with your name on it.”

Ready for more? Stay tuned as we roll out more mustache-themed jokes. Up next, the hilarious world of mustache puns. You don’t want to miss it!

Mustache Puns for Adults (Clever & Clean Wordplay)

If you love groan-worthy wordplay, these mustache puns are the peak of facial hair humor.

  1. I mustache you a question… but I’ll shave it for later.
  2. The key to a great mustache? Always handlebar with care.
  3. I tried to trim my mustache, but I couldn’t cut it.
  4. I used to hate my mustache, but it grew on me.
  5. Mustaches that start arguments always get straight to the point.
  6. He got a mustache tattoo—wanted permanent stubble.
  7. I met a mustache once. It was a real brush with fame.
  8. My mustache? Love-hate relationship. Always under my nose.
  9. The stand-up mustache? It always brings the brush laughter.
  10. That mustache’s story? I couldn’t whisker myself away.
  11. I don’t trust clean-shaven people. What are they hiding?
  12. Mustaches are dramatic—they live for hairy situations.
  13. Never take a good mustache for granted. It’s upper-lip strength.
  14. Don’t brush off a mustache pun.
  15. A great mustache joke is always a close shave.
  16. Mustaches: the real facial hairstorians.
  17. What’s a mustache do at bedtime? Rests its bristles.
  18. I had a mustache joke but trimmed it down.
  19. Mustaches may cause uncontrollable smirks. Use with caution.
  20. Best time to grow a mustache? Whisker you can.
  21. That mustache? Combed daily—a real stroke of luck.
  22. A mustache isn’t grown, it’s earned.
  23. Growing a mustache? That’s maturi-beard.
  24. A mustache is a frame for your smile.
  25. Keep calm and ‘stache on.

Mustache Knock-Knock Jokes

Silly? Yes. Still funny? Absolutely. These mustache knock-knock jokes are perfect for kids, parties, or just annoying your friends.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Mustache.
Mustache who?
Mustache you a question, but I’ll shave it for later!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry up and answer, my mustache is waiting!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Whisker.
Whisker who?
Whisker me this—why does your mustache look so good?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Stubble.
Stubble who?
Stubble the time it takes to shave that ‘stache already.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Beards.
Beards who?
Beards you goodbye if you insult my mustache.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Furry.
Furry who?
Furry real—this mustache is magnificent.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Handle.
Handle who?
Handlebar mustaches ride into town with style.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Comb.
Comb who?
Comb on, don’t act like you don’t love this mustache.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Shave.
Shave who?
Shave it for later—I’m rocking this mustache now.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Razor.
Razor who?
Razor glass to the finest ‘staches in the land!

These knock-knock jokes are all in good fun, perfect for a laugh at your next gathering. Keep the mustache spirit alive and the humor flowing!


Longer Mustache Jokes (For When One Line Isn’t Enough)

Some jokes deserve more than a quick trim—these longer mustache jokes go the distance for the laugh.

  1. How did the mustache find his long-lost brother at the family reunion?
    He heard they were just a hair apart.
  2. A man started growing a mustache.
    His friend asked, “Why the new look?”
    He said, “Hair was some space I hadn’t used yet.”
  3. Why did the mustache break up with its owner?
    It got tired of being taken for a ride every day.
  4. What did the barber say to the mustache during the breakup?
    “It’s been hairy… but it’s time to cut ties.”
  5. Why did the hipster mustache become a poet?
    Because every good ‘stache is full of prose and pose.
  6. Why did the mustache go solo to the party?
    It heard there’d be “trim and tonic,” and didn’t want to share the spotlight.
  7. How does a mustache send letters?
    By hair-mail, obviously.
  8. The handlebar mustache looked at the beard and said,
    “I mustache you a question… but I’ll shave it for later.”
  9. Why did the mustache get promoted at work?
    It was always just above the rest.
  10. What did the scruffy mustache say to the polished one?
    “I see you’ve… combed over to the fancy side.”

These longer mustache jokes add a bit more depth to the humor and are great for eliciting a hearty chuckle or two. They certainly take the mustache game up a notch or two!

Mustache Anti-Jokes (So Bad, They’re Good)

These anti-jokes are intentionally unfunny. No puns. No punchlines. Just pure, deadpan nonsense that somehow still works.

  1. Why did the man grow a mustache?
    Because he wanted to.
  2. What did the mustache say to the beard?
    Nothing. Mustaches can’t talk.
  3. Why did the mustache cross the road?
    It didn’t. It’s hair. It can’t move.
  4. How does a mustache answer the phone?
    It doesn’t. It’s not alive.
  5. Why don’t mustaches go to school?
    Because they’re facial hair.
  6. What did one mustache say to the other?
    Also nothing. Still just hair.
  7. Why did the mustache go to the barber?
    It didn’t. The person wearing it did.
  8. How does a mustache get to work?
    It’s not employed.
  9. What’s a mustache’s favorite food?
    Mustaches don’t eat.
  10. What did the mustache do on its day off?
    Exist. On a face. As usual.
  11. Why didn’t the mustache laugh at the joke?
    It doesn’t have a nervous system.
  12. What happened when the mustache got wet?
    It stayed wet until it dried.
  13. Why did the mustache start a podcast?
    It didn’t. That would be insane.
  14. Why did the mustache go viral?
    A human posted it. The mustache had no involvement.
  15. What did the mustache win an award for?
    Nothing. Mustaches are not eligible for awards.

Mustache Limericks (Ridiculous & Rhyming)

There once was a man with a ’stache,
As sharp as a quick lightning flash.
It was slick and quite neat,
He looked real elite,
On his face, it made quite the splash.

A ‘stache on a face, well-groomed,
Like a feather, it grandly bloomed.
Worn with pride and with style,
It drew many a smile,
Its appeal could not be doomed.

A mustache was grown with some care,
Its owner caused many to stare.
It twirled at each tip,
Quite hip, full of zip,
It gave him debonair flair.

There once was a ‘stache, thin and slight,
Not bushy, but neat and just right.
It was fine as a line,
Its design quite divine,
In the sun, it lit up with light.

A ‘stache can inspire a grin,
Whether it’s thick or it’s thin.
With its twirls and its spins,
And occasional chins,
It’s a game that we all can win.

There once was a ‘stache so refined,
It looked like it had been designed.
But one gust of wind,
Made it unpinned,
Now it lives as a memory, unsigned.

A ‘stache, full of spirit and vim,
Made its wearer look dashing and trim.
When he walked in the room,
He’d suck out the gloom—
Such is the power of him and his brim.

Dirty Mustache Jokes (Just a Little Inappropriate)

Warning: these jokes are rated M—for moustache. Keep scrolling if you’re too clean-shaven for this kind of humor.

  1. What’s the difference between a mustache and a dirty joke?
    Nothing if you rub them the wrong way.
  2. Why did the mustache get kicked out of the bedroom?
    It was getting too involved in the lip service.
  3. How does a mustache flirt?
    It whispers sweet nothings… just under the nose.
  4. Why don’t mustaches work in adult films?
    They get too much attention and upstage the stars.
  5. What did she say about the guy with the mustache?
    “Tickles going in. Tickles coming out.”
  6. Why did the mustache fail at speed dating?
    Too much stroking, not enough talking.
  7. What do you call a sexy mustache?
    Foreplay with handlebars.
  8. Why did the mustache go to the strip club?
    It heard the place had great upper lip action.
  9. What’s the mustache’s favorite body part?
    The curves beneath the nose, obviously.
  10. Why don’t mustaches keep secrets after sex?
    Because they always spill the whisker.
  11. She said she wanted something wild.
    So he showed up with a mustache and no shame.
  12. What does a kinky mustache wear to bed?
    A little wax and a lot of attitude.

Famous Mustaches in History (Jokes & Roasts)

Some mustaches have made history. Others just made headlines for being extra. Let’s roast them all.

Tom Selleck
That mustache solved more crimes than most detectives. Pretty sure it had its own SAG card.

Albert Einstein
Genius-level equations, chaotic-level grooming. His mustache looked like it discovered static electricity by accident.

Freddie Mercury
The only man who could belt high notes and rock a ‘stache like it was a fashion statement.
That mustache had better stage presence than most bands.

Hulk Hogan
His mustache bench presses more than you.
It’s less of a facial feature, more of a wrestling tag team partner.

Salvador Dalí
That mustache was basically a punctuation mark for his face.
Nobody knows what it meant, but it definitely meant something.

Groucho Marx
Arguably the first influencer. His mustache wasn’t even real, but it still had more impact than yours.

Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman)
The fictional mustache that built a canoe, chopped a tree, and judged you silently from across the room.

Wyatt Earp
Old West lawman. Mustache looked like it shot a man just for sneezing wrong.

Borat
Cultural icon. His mustache was the straight man to his absolute chaos.

Super Mario
Plumber. Hero. Facial hair legend.
Without the mustache, he’s just a weird little guy breaking bricks for money.

Wrap Up

Congratulations—you’ve just survived the most comprehensive collection of mustache jokes on the internet. From clever one-liners to groan-worthy anti-jokes, this list has every type of upper-lip humor imaginable.

Whether you came for the clean laughs, the dirty jokes, or the historical roasts, we hope you found something to tickle your whiskers. Bookmark this page, share it with a friend, and keep that mustache-loving spirit alive.

Because let’s face it—life’s just funnier with a little hair on it.