70 Halloween Jokes for Kids That Are Actually Funny

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Kid laughing while running, Halloween jokes for kids

Halloween is the one night a year when a six-year-old has a captive audience at every single door, and my daughter knows it. She spent last October opening with the same skeleton joke at forty houses in a row. Two people laughed. She did not care even a little, which is honestly the correct attitude toward joke telling. So here are 70 of them, sorted by monster so you can grab the right one fast. I have marked the few that genuinely land with adults, and I left in a couple that are terrible, because kids love those most and pretending otherwise helps nobody.

What you will find here

Halloween jokes that actually land

If you only memorize one section, make it this one. These get a real laugh from kids and at least a groan from whoever opens the door.

  1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
  2. What do birds give out on Halloween? Tweets.
  3. Where do baby ghosts go while their parents work? Day scare.
  4. What is a spider’s favorite thing to make? Web sites.
  5. What do owls say on October 31? Happy Owl-o-ween.
  6. What is a cat’s favorite Halloween dessert? Mice cream.
  7. Why do skeletons hate the winter? The cold goes right through them.
  8. What do you call a monster with no neck? The Lost Neck Monster.
  9. Why was the broom late to the party? It over swept.
  10. What is a Halloween party with no music? Boo ring.
  11. What do you call a nervous jack-o-lantern? A chicken squash.
  12. Why did nobody want to sit with the werewolf at lunch? He kept wolfing it down.

The scarecrow one is objectively the best joke on this page and it is not even Halloween specific. I have made peace with that.

Ghost jokes

  1. Why did the ghost go to the party alone? He had no body to go with.
  2. What room does a ghost never need in a house? The living room.
  3. How do ghosts stay in shape? They exorcise.
  4. What is a ghost’s favorite dessert? I scream.
  5. Why are ghosts terrible liars? You can see right through them.
  6. What is a ghost’s favorite ride at the fair? The roller ghoster.
  7. Where do ghosts buy their stamps? At the ghost office.
  8. What did the ghost teacher say to the class? Watch the board and I will go through it again.
  9. What is a ghost’s favorite fruit? Booberries.
  10. Why do ghosts love riding elevators? It lifts their spirits.
  11. What kind of streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends.
  12. What do you call a ghost who tells bad jokes? A boo-mer.
  13. Why did the ghost bring toilet paper to the party? He wanted to be the life of it.

Skeleton jokes, which my daughter will not stop telling

  1. Why did the skeleton skip the dance? He had no body to dance with.
  2. What do you call a skeleton who refuses to get up? Lazy bones.
  3. Why do skeletons stay so calm? Nothing gets under their skin.
  4. What instrument does a skeleton play? The trom-bone.
  5. How do skeletons call their friends? On the tele-bone.
  6. What do skeletons say before dinner? Bone appetit.
  7. Why was the skeleton laughing so hard? Somebody tickled his funny bone.
  8. How does a skeleton know a storm is coming? He feels it in his bones.
  9. What is a skeleton’s favorite meal at a barbecue? Spare ribs.
  10. Why did the skeleton go to the movie alone? He had nobody to go with, and also no money.
  11. What do you call a skeleton detective? Sherlock Bones.

Sherlock Bones is the one she used at forty houses. I want that on the record.

Witches, vampires, mummies, and the rest of the monsters

This is the biggest section because Halloween has a lot of monsters and every one of them has a pun attached.

  1. What do you call a witch at the beach? A sandwich.
  2. Why do witches fly on brooms? Vacuum cords are not long enough.
  3. What is a witch’s best subject at school? Spelling.
  4. How do witches keep their hair in place? With scare spray.
  5. What do you call two witches who share a room? Broom mates.
  6. Why did the witch refuse to wear a flat hat? There was no point in it.
  7. Why did the vampire read the newspaper? He heard it had great circulation.
  8. What is a vampire’s favorite fruit? A blood orange.
  9. Why did the vampire go to the dentist? He had a fang ache.
  10. What is a vampire’s favorite kind of dog? A bloodhound.
  11. How does a vampire begin a letter? Tomb it may concern.
  12. Why did the mummy take a vacation? He needed to unwind.
  13. What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music? Wrap.
  14. What do you call a mummy who eats cookies in bed? A crummy mummy.
  15. What do you call a werewolf with no legs? Anything you like. He cannot chase you.
  16. Why did the werewolf need braces? He had too many canines.
  17. What do monsters wear on the bottom half? Boo jeans.
  18. Why was the little monster good at math? He was a problem solver, and also had eight hands.

Pumpkin and candy jokes

  1. What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
  2. Why was the jack-o-lantern so scared? It had no guts.
  3. What do you call a very round pumpkin? A plumpkin.
  4. How do you fix a broken jack-o-lantern? With a pumpkin patch.
  5. What candy do you eat on the playground? Recess pieces.
  6. Why did the candy bar go to school? It wanted to be a Smartie.
  7. What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit? Straw berries.
  8. Why did the pumpkin sit in the middle of the road? It wanted to be squashed.
  9. What do you call a pumpkin that works out? A jacked-o-lantern.

Recess pieces is the one that always gets a groan from parents and a genuine laugh from anyone under nine. Use it accordingly.

Halloween knock knock jokes

Save these for the walk between houses. They buy you about ninety seconds each.

  1. Knock knock. Who is there? Boo. Boo who? Do not cry, it is only a joke.
  2. Knock knock. Who is there? Witch. Witch who? Witch one of you is giving me candy?
  3. Knock knock. Who is there? Ivan. Ivan who? Ivan to suck your blood.
  4. Knock knock. Who is there? Bat. Bat who? Bat you cannot guess who I am.
  5. Knock knock. Who is there? Wanda. Wanda who? Wanda go trick or treating?
  6. Knock knock. Who is there? Pumpkin. Pumpkin who? Pumpkin the gas, we are late for the party.
  7. Knock knock. Who is there? Handsome. Handsome who? Hand some candy through the door.
  8. Knock knock. Who is there? Olive. Olive who? Olive in the haunted house next door.

More jokes to try next

Before you go

Pick five, not fifty. A kid who nails five jokes has a better night than one who half remembers thirty. And if the joke flops at the door, that is part of it. My daughter got two laughs out of forty houses and still talks about that night.

Questions people ask

What age are these Halloween jokes for?

Most land best with kids between four and ten. The knock knock jokes work from about three, and the wordplay ones like the witch spelling joke need a kid who already reads a bit, usually around six.

Are all of these clean?

Yes. Every joke here is safe for a classroom party, a school bus, or a stranger’s front door. Nothing gory, nothing that will scare a younger sibling.

Which one should my kid open with at the door?

The scarecrow joke. It is short, adults get it instantly, and it does not need any Halloween setup to make sense.

How do I help my kid actually land a joke?

Slow down before the punchline and stop talking after it. Kids rush the ending and then explain it. The pause does most of the work.

Can I use these for a classroom party or party favors?

Go ahead. They print well on slips of paper for a candy bag, and teachers use them as Halloween week warm ups.


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