Joke of the Day

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Laughing at the joke of the day

One joke, once a day, clean enough for anyone. It changes at midnight on its own and there is nothing to sign up for. I built this because every joke of the day site I found either wanted my email address first or buried today’s joke under four paragraphs about the history of humor. Today’s is right at the top. Below it, everything sorted by the kind of joke you need.

Joke of the day
I told my computer I needed a break. Now it will not stop sending me KitKat ads.



What you will find here

The best ones on this page

If you are in a hurry, steal from here. These are the ones that work on almost any audience.

  1. Parallel lines have so much in common. It is a shame they will never meet.
  2. I wondered why the ball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
  3. The past, the present and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
  4. I entered ten puns in a contest hoping one would win. No pun in ten did.
  5. A book just fell on my head. I only have my shelf to blame.
  6. Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
  7. I have a joke about time travel, but you did not like it.
  8. Why did the invisible man turn down the job? He could not see himself doing it.
  9. I told a joke about a roof once. It went over everyone's head.
  10. Two antennas got married. The wedding was awful but the reception was excellent.
  11. I lost my mood ring. I am not sure how I feel about it.

The time travel one is the best joke on this entire website and it is nine words long. I did not write it and I am still jealous of whoever did.

One liners

  1. I used to be addicted to soap, but I am clean now.
  2. I am on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
  3. I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
  4. I keep telling everyone I have a wooden leg. Nobody buys it.
  5. I finally bought that book on levitation. I cannot put it down.
  6. I do not like Russian dolls. They are so full of themselves.
  7. My therapist says I have a preoccupation with revenge. We will see about that.
  8. I once had a dream I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.
  9. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
  10. My wife asked me to stop singing Wonderwall. I said maybe.
  11. I told my kids I was going to sell the vacuum. It was just collecting dust.
  12. I am terrible at telling jokes about unfinished furniture.

Question and answer jokes

  1. What do you call a magic dog? A labracadabrador.
  2. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies.
  3. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
  4. What kind of music do planets listen to? Neptunes.
  5. Why did the gym close down? It just did not work out.
  6. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
  7. Why did the mushroom get invited everywhere? He was a fungi.
  8. What did one hat say to the other? You stay here, I will go on ahead.
  9. Why can you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
  10. What is the loudest pet you can get? A trumpet.
  11. Why did the orange stop halfway up the hill? It ran out of juice.
  12. What is a computer's favorite snack? Microchips.
  13. What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
  14. Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.

Jokes for people who like wordplay

These take an extra half second to land. That pause is the whole payoff.

  1. I have a phobia of over engineered buildings. It is a complex complex complex.
  2. What is the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a well dressed man on a tricycle? Attire.
  3. What is the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
  4. What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut? A barberqueue.
  5. I would make a chemistry joke, but all the good ones argon.
  6. I was going to tell a chemistry joke, but I knew I would get no reaction.
  7. Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast.
  8. What do you call a can opener that does not work? A can not opener.
  9. Why did the coffee taste like dirt? Because it was ground this morning.

Ones that are safe at work

  1. Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs.
  2. I would tell you a joke about an elevator, but it is an uplifting one.
  3. Why did the scarecrow become a motivational speaker? He was outstanding in his field.
  4. My friend said he did not understand cloning. I told him that makes two of us.
  5. I have a great joke about nepotism, but I will only tell it to my son.
  6. I told my computer I needed a break. Now it will not stop sending me KitKat ads.
  7. I asked my dog what is on top of a house. He said roof.
  8. Why did the golfer change his socks? He got a hole in one.

More jokes to try next

Before you go

Bookmark it and check back tomorrow. That is genuinely the whole idea. One joke is enough to pass along at breakfast, and a page of sixty is enough when one is not.

Questions people ask

How often does the joke of the day change?

Once a day, at midnight, based on your device's date. Everyone visiting on the same day sees the same joke, so you can compare notes.

Do I have to sign up or give an email?

No. There is no account, no newsletter and no popup. The page picks today's joke in your browser and that is the whole system.

Can I go back and see yesterday's joke?

Yes. Use the yesterday and tomorrow buttons to step through, or hit surprise me for a random one from the whole set.

Are these jokes clean?

Every one. Safe for kids, classrooms, work chats and family group texts.

Do you have a version for kids?

Yes. Our joke of the day for kids page has a joke for all 365 days, matched to the season and the holiday, written for younger readers.


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